


thank u, next

by grimeysociety



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Darcy Lewis Needs a Hug, F/M, Kid Fic, POV Bucky Barnes, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 06:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18654445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimeysociety/pseuds/grimeysociety
Summary: Bucky has to adjust to living in a post-Thanos world, but he's one of billions who are struggling. Darcy Lewis is a single mother who infiltrates his support group.





	thank u, next

**Author's Note:**

> I don't mean the title of this fic to come across as flippant. I'm still processing Avengers: Endgame and I figured writing something today could help. **This fic is full of Endgame spoilers**. Do not read this fic if you have not seen Endgame! I don't want that kind of responsibility, folks! Nope. 
> 
> I wrote this for me, and if you like it I consider that a bonus. **This fic does not bash Shieldshock as a ship by any means.** I am a fervent supporter of Darcy/Steve.

_I'm so, I'm so fucking grateful for my ex._

\- "thank u, next" by Ariana Grande

 

 

Bucky feels shame when he notices Darcy for the first time.

He connects the dots – she’s the same Darcy from the Avengers building in Manhattan, the one who runs around with the Parker kid. She works in the labs with Professor Hulk.

He feels shame because he’s not meant to be noticing other people at the group that way. But he’s attracted to her, that he can’t deny. She’s beautiful, and quiet. When she speaks her voice sometimes sounds like a woman much younger than her, and sometimes her voice wobbles with the emotion.

He watches her hands move as she speaks. She’s very expressive. Bucky’s had to re-learn that stuff. He has to remember that people are trying to read him as he speaks, and he has to be better at showing emotions. Sam helps with that, in his own smartass way.

Darcy tucks a piece of hair behind her ear after she raises a hand to speak, and Bucky’s eyes catch hers for a second. She probably knows who he is. She knows everything, if she knows his name, and every time Bucky thinks someone knows him he’s tempted to run away.

“I’m Darcy.”

There’s a murmur among the group.

“I’m struggling,” she says, her eyes on the floor. She gnaws her lip. “My kid finally slept through the night. I know he still hates sleeping at my place. He wants his Gigi – uh, my mom. His grandma.”

She rolls her eyes, and then shakes her head. She’s started to cry and Bucky looks away, because she doesn’t need _everyone_ staring at her. He might be the only one glancing elsewhere but he listens just the same. She sounds exhausted.

“He called her ‘momma’ in front of me. He’s five, he doesn’t – he doesn’t mean the shit he does, but I get those reminders all the time, that I wasn’t there.”

Bucky glances at her at the last second, and she’s sniffling.

“It’s not my fault. I know it’s not. It was Thanos, but –” Darcy cuts herself off, shaking her head.

She’s done. They move on, and Bucky’s eyes keep slipping to her tear-stained face. She doesn’t speak for the rest of the session, and Bucky never starts.

He comes to these things because Steve told him to, right before he left. It’s meant to help, and Bucky supposes it must because it could be worse. He doesn’t feel like he’s losing anything by hearing how other people are hurting.

He used to keep this shit inside because he had to, but then he vanished for five years like so many other people, and everyone had to start healing.

-

He runs into Darcy in the kitchen one lunchtime and she’s fixing a sandwich, looking fine.

She’s incredibly strong. Probably doesn’t realize that. Bucky glances at her, going to get a mug for his coffee.

“Hey,” she says, like she knows him.

The rule is they’re not supposed to talk about group outside of group. Bucky feels himself tense automatically and he lets it go.

He’s still learning to let himself be noticed.

“Hey,” he replies. His voice is rough. He doesn’t like the sound of it still. Something else he has to get used to.

“How come you go by James?” Darcy asks, putting down her knife. She’s made a peanut butter sandwich with the crusts cut off.

“It’s sounds better than ‘Bucky’ to some people,” he replies. “Less corny.”

“It’s not you,” Darcy retorts instantly.

Bucky blinks at her before he turns to the coffee machine, pressing a button. He lets her draw her own conclusions.

She can think he’s hiding. That doesn’t bother him, because it’s the truth. Honesty is still something he’s working on. Baby steps and all.

She licks her thumb, giving a sigh.

“Sorry, I just – my kid’s downstairs and then I see you up here…”

He glances again at the sandwich. It’s for her kid. That makes sense.

“It’s okay.”

He takes his coffee mug in his metal hand and meets her gaze.

Darcy just looks back at him, waiting.

He takes the plunge.

“If you ever need… help with your… kid –” Bucky begins, but Darcy waves a hand.

“It’s okay. He’s got plenty of male presences,” she says.

She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. She’s trying so hard to forget this conversation ever happened, clearly.

“What’s his name?” Bucky asks, before he can stop himself.

She glances away, sighing. She swings her eyes back.

“Joey.”

Bucky nods. “Good name.”

She nods back at him.

Bucky leaves before he says anything else, because she looks like she wants to be alone.

-

Bucky is walking through the park when he sees Parker pushing a little kid on a swing. He sees Darcy sitting on a bench, watching them.

Bucky was out walking to clear his head. He had a flashback in the middle of training and he thought he was going to have a panic attack.

He forgets about all that the second his eyes land on Darcy, because she’s smiling toward the swings despite everything. She cried a lot at the last session, which was two days ago.

Darcy sees Bucky in the corner of her eye and her smile falters for a second, but she raises her hand in a wave. Bucky begins to walk toward her with his hands in his jacket pockets.

He sits down beside her after she pats the bench even though he has no idea what to say. Her kid seems to be enjoying himself, as well as Parker.

“How are you?” she asks, and Bucky turns his head to her.

“Okay,” he mumbles.

“That sounds like a lie,” she says, tilting her head slightly. She’s giving him a thorough once-over for clues and Bucky feels himself blush.

He clears his throat awkwardly, and Darcy just shakes her head. She doesn’t seem disappointed. If anything, she’s knowing in her steady gaze.

She’s understanding.

“How are you?” Bucky asks, and her face changes.

“Okay,” she echoes.

Bucky gives her the smallest smile imaginable, and she swipes at her face.

“When’s it going to get easier?” she suddenly asks, her face straight ahead.

Bucky blinks a couple times.

“I don’t know,” he replies. He wishes he could be more useful, better. “I keep trying to tell myself everything’s going to be okay.”

“I should be happy,” Darcy says. “I got my kid back. I’m a thirty-five year-old in a thirty year-old’s body.”

Bucky lets out a short laugh. “Yeah, I’m a hundred and six.”

Darcy smirks. “Well, you look good.”

“Thanks.”

Another smile, bigger than before. He nods at Parker.

“How’s the kid?”

“He misses Tony every day,” Darcy says. “He has good days. He hates that he can’t tell anyone about it at school. So he comes by a lot.”

Bucky nods. Every time Tony Stark is mentioned he thinks of how he could never repair the damage he caused to his family. He knows it wasn’t him. He’s forgiven himself, but he can’t forget.

“You’re good,” Bucky said, and Darcy looks surprised at his words. “With him, and your son.”

She scoffs.

“I’m serious,” Bucky adds, and she gives him a sidewards glance.

“You’re just being nice.”

“I don’t _have to_ be nice, you know,” he says.

She chuckles, shaking her head. Parker looks at them and points Bucky out to Joey, who’s looking cautious from his swing. Bucky feels his stomach flutter with anticipation.

Truth be told, he likes kids a lot but he hasn’t been around them much for decades. Parker takes Joey by the hand and they wander over to Darcy.

“Hey, bud,” she says to Joey, who’s looking anywhere but Bucky’s general direction. “You ready to head back?”

“We were thinking about getting ice cream,” Parker says, giving Darcy a hopeful look.

“Oh, really?” Darcy says, giving Joey a little prod on his cheek. He flashes a gap-toothed smile, before remembering Bucky is watching him, too. “Just as long as you get back before dark, and you don’t spoil your dinner.”

Joey nods. He glances at Bucky again Darcy follows his gaze.

“This is Bucky, Joey,” she says, her voice soft. She pulls him closer, wrapping her arm around his shoulders and sitting him between herself and Bucky. “He’s a friend.”

Joey looks up. His eyes look familiar.

“Hey, bud,” Bucky says, trying out the word. “You wanna get some ice cream?”

Joey nods, still quiet. He jumps off the bench and grabs Parker’s hand, tugging the teenager along. Darcy calls after them:

“Be careful! I love you!”

She sighs. Bucky watches after the pair as they go off to find the ice cream vendor.

“Is Joey’s dad in the picture?”

He doesn’t know if he should ask, if it’s any of his business. He knows there’s less shame surrounding unwed mothers these days.

Darcy shakes her head. “No.”

Does she know who his father is? If he does know Joey exists, was he dusted for five years? Where the fuck is he?

He couldn’t ask about that. Bucky gets up and Darcy copies him. They walk together without saying a word for a solid five minutes.

“His father doesn’t know he exists,” Darcy says, and Bucky nods.

“Maybe he should,” he says. He shrugs. “Don’t… listen to me. I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about.”

“Bucky, he can’t know,” Darcy says.

She stops walking so Bucky does as well, staring at her.

She gnaws her lip.

“It was a mistake. What happened, not Joey. He was… a blessing, I guess,” she says. She flushes. “Shit, I’m sorry. You didn’t ask to hear this.”

She just shakes her head, and Bucky doesn’t press her. They walk back to the Tower and part ways.

-

She doesn’t come back to group for a month. When she returns, Bucky’s surprised. He decides to speak for the first time.

He knows what that means. He doesn’t want to think about it, because he can’t deal with that shit. If he did anything, he’d be taking advantage of a vulnerable woman.

Maybe he was done with women.

“I, uh,” Bucky begins, and Darcy’s eyes widen at him. “I made a promise to someone but it’s not working out so far. I’m lying.”

No-one asks what the promise was that he made, so he elaborates after a few moments of silence.

“My best friend left. I made him leave me behind, because I –” Bucky shakes his head. “I needed him to accept things would be okay without him here.”

He’s being annoyingly cryptic. He can tell from the feel of the room. There’s a tension, a need to give context but he can’t. That’d be opening a can of worms, and someone could get upset.

“I told him I’d be okay but I miss us being together,” he says. “And I’m not okay.”

He glances at Darcy, their eyes meeting across the circle of chairs.

“I should be happy but I’m not.”

Darcy looks away, and she bursts into tears. Bucky wishes a hole would open up in the floor and swallow him up. He feels worse when she leaves without a word, without an explanation.

He considers chasing after her but he doesn’t have the guts. Not until the next day when he finds her in the labs.

She doesn’t seem pleased to see him, but he somehow convinces her to come with him to get a coffee a block or so away. They take a booth at the back of a tiny café and Darcy presses her finger into spilled sugar over and over, her mind a million miles away.

“I haven’t been here before,” he says, just to make conversation. The silence is stifling and Darcy glances up at him, her face blank.

“What are you doing, Bucky?” she asks, and he stops still.

“I’m just trying…”

“To get to know me? Why?” she snaps, and he stares at her.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to…”

The word he is looking for is ‘connect’ but he can’t make himself say it. It’s so lame. She’s been through hell and he’s being emotionally stunted.

“I know who Joey’s father is,” she says, her voice quiet.

Bucky swallows. “I don’t care about that.”

Darcy lets out a cruel laugh, shaking her head. “You will.”

Bucky watches her face, as she stares at a picture on the wall. Her faces morphs into anguish and she pushes the emotion away, turning her attention to her coffee in front of her, fiddling with the spoon.

“It’s someone I know,” Bucky says.

“Yeah.”

“It’s Steve, isn’t it.”

He says it more like a statement than a question and Darcy nods. She picks up her coffee and drains it, putting the empty cup back down and wiping the foam off her lips with the back of her hand.

“When did -?”

“He was on the run for two years, but toward the end he was hanging around the base more, and I was there with Jane,” Darcy says.

She didn’t look Bucky in the eye, just kept talking. Bucky got the feeling that if she paused for too long she’d never tell him the rest of the story, so he just let her speak for as long as she needed.

She licks her lips, frowning.

“Fury had us there to do our experiments, but it was all top-secret. I got a lot of cabin fever.”

She was making excuses for one of the most basic of human instincts, and Bucky wouldn’t dare judge her for that. She was lonely, and Steve was there.

“It shouldn’t have happened. He said as much, too,” she murmurs. “I got pregnant. Except he wasn’t the only one, so…”

“Joey’s got his eyes.”

“I know,” she whispers. “And I know you and so few other people would notice that.”

Bucky lets out a breath.

“So in group –”

“I knew he went back with the Stones and married Peggy,” Darcy said. “I’m happy for him.”

Bucky thinks of Steve now, an old man. Bucky thinks he’s at least 180 years old. He’s living out the rest of his life in his old place in Brooklyn.

“Except he’s got a kid in this timeline,” Bucky says.

Their eyes meet and Darcy shakes her head.

“He can’t know, Bucky,” she whispers. “He’ll never forgive himself, and he didn’t know. I swear he didn’t know.”

“I believe you,” he says. “I know he’d have never gone back if he did.”

He closes his eyes, feeling a sob bubble up.

“He sat me down the day before he left. I swore I’d never tell anyone, and I said I’d miss him. He told me I’d be okay,” Bucky whispers.

Darcy reaches out to touch Bucky’s gloved left hand and squeezes it.

“I don’t blame you,” she murmurs. “I blame myself.”

Bucky blinks back tears. “Why?”

“I should have known he was Joey’s dad,” she says, and her chin quivers. She starts to cry, too, and Bucky can’t stand this feeling.

She takes a deep breath, shaking her head.

“What if I went back?”

“In time?” Bucky says, and Darcy nods. “It doesn’t work that way, doll.”

“What? Why not?”

“It would just make another timeline. It doesn’t fix your present,” he says, and Darcy screws up her face.

They fall silent, and Darcy stares out the window for a little while as Bucky watches her. His coffee goes cold and he doesn’t even stop to taste it.

-

He sits with it, promises himself and Darcy that he won’t tell anyone Steve has another son.

He has to sit with it. Darcy’s probably right. Steve will never recover knowing that he unknowingly left his kid behind.

He doesn’t even tell Sam. Ever since he got the vibranium shield he’s been second-guessing himself, but Sam is still annoyingly observant of Bucky’s swinging moods.

“You should ask her out,” Sam says one day, after Darcy gives Bucky a short wave on her way to the labs downstairs. “She’d say yes.”

Bucky doesn’t explain why she’d never want to be with him. He just tells Sam to drop it and stays irritable for the next few days, until group.

-

It’s raining so heavily one morning that it wakes Bucky before dawn, and he rolls over in bed with his mind racing.

He has to do something. He can’t stay this way.

He finds Darcy in the labs after breakfast and he gives her a long look.

“Darcy, we have to tell him,” he says.

He doesn’t have to explain. Darcy just nods, knowing exactly what he means.

“I know. I just didn’t know when I would.”

They share the elevator down to the lobby, and then the cab out to Brooklyn.

Bucky knocks on the apartment door with his metal fist and waits.

When Steve appears, it’s still so weird seeing him so old. Bucky needs to visit him more, to make it feel more real. He needs to accept things, like he said he would.

“Bucky,” Steve begins, and then he stops at the sight of Darcy standing next to him.

“Hey,” she breathes. She’s shaking, she’s that nervous. “Can we come in?”

“Of course.”

Steve is slow at moving but his mind is still sharp as ever. He smiles that same Steve smile, and sits down beside Darcy on his couch. The T.V. is playing a rerun of a Dodgers game from the 1950s. Bucky gestures toward the kitchen.

“I’ll make coffee.”

He leaves them before Steve can object, before Darcy excuses herself as well. He moves around the kitchen and finds himself listening out to hear if it’s going to plan.

Steve’s soft chuckle makes him smile as he fills the coffee pot. Darcy is making him laugh.

He waits, staring at a framed photo on the fridge. It’s Peggy, not a day over twenty-five in her Army uniform.

He takes a deep breath, picking up a tray with their coffees and makes his way back to the living room.

Darcy is holding Steve’s hands, gazing into each other’s eyes. Once Bucky puts down the tray on the coffee table Steve’s eyes move over him.

“Bucky.”

“Yeah, bud?” he murmurs, and he sits down, looking at his old friend.

Steve’s throat bobs, and Darcy soothes him, hand touching his face.

“It’s okay,” she whispers. “It’s _okay_.”

Bucky’s stomach twists and he feels as if he’s intruding. He should have stepped out the second he brought Darcy here.

“Joey’s fine. He’s gonna be fine, like Bucky and me,” Darcy adds.

Steve’s crying, and Bucky leans forward to squeeze his knee.

“You didn’t know,” Bucky says.

“It would be wrong to keep me in the dark,” Steve says, nodding. He catches Bucky’s eye.

Bucky hugs him, and he’s transported to the last night he had in New York before he shipped off for the war, before everything changed.

“I told you to go without me, because I didn’t want a do-over,” he whispered in his friend’s ear. He pressed a kiss to his head, seeing the liver spots by his hairline. “I’ve gotta live with myself, bud.”

When they leave, Darcy’s holding his hand. She doesn’t let go until they reach the Tower, and only then does she reach up to press a kiss to his lips.

It’s light, gentle. When she draws back she gives Bucky’s metal hand one last squeeze.

-

Days turn into weeks, and Bucky stops going to group. He figures there’s only so much he can do, thinking about the past and never moving on.

He won’t let go of it. No-one can. There are years of people’s lives missing, but it has to mean something in the end.

-

One morning he wakes up with Darcy pressed against his back, her arm wrapped around his middle and he turns over, kissing her.

“Hey,” he says, pushing the hair away from her face. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” she says. She lets out a breath. “I mean, as ready as I’ll ever be.”

They wander out into the living room where Joey already is sitting with a bowl of cereal beside him as he watches cartoons.

“Hey, bud?” Darcy says, and Joey looks up.

He mutes the TV without being asked. He’s a really sweet kid.

“Yeah?”

He talks more every day. Sometimes he gives Bucky a run for his money.

“We’ve got news.”

“Okay.”

He narrows his eyes slightly, unsure.

“What if… Bucky was part of the family?” Darcy says.

She’s been practising this in her head for ages, Bucky can tell. He gives her shoulder an encouraging squeeze.

“I want to be your legal guardian,” he says, and Joey blinks.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

It’s been over a year since he and Darcy got together. He never thought he’d get this chance again, to have a family.

“Like, adoption?”

He sounds like Darcy in that moment and Bucky chuckles at the way the six year-old raises one eyebrow.

“Yeah, if you let me.”

Instead of saying anything else, Joey launches himself at Bucky, hugging him as tight as he can.

When Bucky looks at Darcy, her eyes are brimming with happy tears.

-

“Hey, bud,” Bucky says, settling into the bench. He listens to the way the plastic wrapped around his bouquet crackles.

Steve’s headstone is simple, humble and right beside Sarah Rogers’ one. The monument to Captain America is way bigger but it’s close to the Statue of Liberty.

He just listens to the birds chirping, the traffic in the distance.

He puts down the flowers.

There’s always tears, but that’s okay.

It’s going to be okay.

He walks away, seeing Darcy and Joey in the distance by the car. Joey comes running up to him and Bucky scoops him up.

“Let’s get some ice cream.”

His family both smile at him and Bucky feels his heart swell.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. How many times can I write "bud" lol
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


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